When you change your cars headlight, take my advice and don't be a dumbass

Last November the passenger side headlight of my car burnt out. I called the dealership where I get the majority of my maintenance done to get a quote to have it replaced.

$95!

Do you hear that? That's the sound of my jaw dropping. "How much is the light bulb?" I asked. "Twenty Dollars." Says the money hungry mechanic. "That's ok, I'll figure it out on my own!"

And I did! I only spent the better part of 3 hours performing a task that a trained professional could have done in 3 minutes - but I consoled myself with the fact that 1. I'm a chic. 2. I'm hot. 3. I've never even opened the hood of my car before, much less the wheel panel. So I gave myself a break. I'm a hot chic who just replaced the damn light bulb on my car! (In heeled boots no less, but I wasn't going to mention that part.) (Until I did) (Shut up)

Since I had the driver side headlight replaced sometime in April or May when I took my car in for regular maintenance and it hasn’t burnt out yet, imagine my surprise when I discovered the bulb in the passenger side headlight (that I just replaced last November) was burnt out! I smiled slightly and thought “I got this!”

I got home from work yesterday, grabbed my tool box, and went to work. Within 5 minutes, the underside of the wheel was exposed, the innards displayed, and the offending bulb sitting in my hand. As I was driving to O’Reilly Auto Parts store it occurred to me that I hadn’t taken a picture of my awesomeness to share with all of Facebook and Twitter lands. I had all ready washed my hands of all the car dust and holding a bulb with clean hands just doesn’t do the awesomeness any justice. As I thought further, I realized that I was going to exchange the bulb, since it was under warrenty – which required returning the box (so the store could return the offending bulb) which meant I had to change the bulb in the parking lot of the store. I had a whole scenario of how this picture would look to convey the full effect of the awesome and

1. The parking lot of the auto parts store did not fulfill the requirements of said awesome and
2. It would probably look weird and concern people if I were taking pictures of a bulb in the parking lot.

I had the sads. So I came up with a brilliant plan! I exchanged the bulb, installed the new bulb in the parking lot, and returned the box. Yay, that headlight can see now! By the time I got home, I had convinced myself that I needed to test the theory that the bulb being burnt out was what triggered the check engine light coming on. In order to do that, I needed to remove the bulb. Since the bulb was going to be removed anyway (for a perfectly legitimate reason) I could take the perfectly awesome picture! Yay! We all win!

I removed the bulb, tested the check engine light theory (I was probably right, but the light didn’t come back on), and set up the picture. Tool box in back, rub my hand on the wheel panel to get it nice and black, make sure the sexy sandal gets in there, test the lighting… wait, lighting is too bright. Need to squat down and use the car’s shade. Squat down, point camera at hand – everything is positioned correctly and…

*Drops the bulb and breaks the tip clean off*

And that my friends, is what happens when you try to show off. And by ”you” I mean “me”.

I got the picture and it’s as full of the awesome that I had imagined. I took the new offending bulb to Auto Zone and bought a new one cause I was too embarrassed to take it back to O’Reilly’s. I replaced it in the parking lot, went home and watched The Big Bang Theory.

An Open Letter

Dear Ex, your girlfriend, and your friends,

I’m writing to you today to let you know that it’s ok. It’s ok that, even though almost 2 years has passed, you still read my tweets and my blog. It’s ok that I get to hear my tweets repeated back to me by your father, who has no idea what twitter even is and could only have heard about what I wrote because you told him.

It’s ok – I’m not angry anymore. I’m actually quite flattered that you still care enough to read about how my day is going and what’s going on in my life. I know, it would be terribly inappropriate for you to discuss anything I say on twitter, because you know I’ll just repeat our conversation on twitter, then your girlfriend will know that we’ve spoken and that you still care about me. Then she’ll get all angry and cause you grief and she’ll cry and that will make you feel bad. So, it’s ok that you don’t talk to me about what I tweet about.

It’s ok that your girlfriend reads my tweets too. It’s ok because I’ve learned something very important in the last few weeks. I completely stopped visiting your twitter pages a few weeks ago, and the anxiety that has been lifted from my life has been so tremendous! I’ve focused more on my relationship with my children and my new family. The time I spent brooding over what y’all think has been replaced with thoughts of rainbows and butterflies and just about everything else that is more important then thinking about what y’all thought. (For the record, that would be everything) I learned that the only thing y’all thought about me was destructive filth and I just didn’t need it! So, it’s ok that your girlfriend still reads my twitter and my blog because the more she reads it the more she’s emotionally invested in my life and that is destructive to her well being and your relationship. Although, I do wonder if you cut me out of the picture what would be left between you two? Probably nothing. You’re welcome for keeping you two together! Seriously, don’t ever stop reading my twitter. It’s your mutual hate for me that bonds you two together and I’d hate for you guys to break up cause then you’d be all lonely and sad and you’d start texting me and trying to be nice and stuff and nobody wants that. Mostly me. This is a purely selfish request. One I’m sure you don’t mind fulfilling. Thank you!

So, to wrap up this letter – thanks for doing me a favor and reading my tweets and my blog. I’m much obliged. Although, if you wish to discuss anything I’ve tweeted that you don’t wish for your girlfriend to know about, just ask me nicely not to repeat it on twitter. I’ll honor your request. Promise! But, I will tell Kurt that we’ve spoken. Hope that’s ok. Now, if you don’t mind (and you clearly don’t) – I have awesome to tweet about.

Sincerely,

Your ex

A Park Bench

I sat on a park bench on my lunch break today, reading a book in lieu of eating. After my hour had passed, I put down the book and took in the scenery. A large tree stood beside the bench casting shade upon me; a large, murky pond filled with ducks in front of me. The peaks of a mountain in the distance. The sound of birds chirping and ducks gliding across the water. The sky a clear blue without a hint of clouds and a slight breeze rustling the branches above me.

I glanced across the pond, my eyes resting on an empty picnic table sitting in the sun. Memories of the first time I visited this park flooded my mind. I was facing the darkest time of my life. I was scared, rejected and alone. Despite the company of a friend, the loneliness was deafening. I was unsure of my future and was contemplating ending it all.

Today, as I picked up my book and my keys and headed back to my car, I glanced back at that picnic table and smiled. The memories of that time will always be there to taunt me and remind me of the selfish and scared woman I had been. I smile because I’m happy. Happy to be the person I am, the person God designed me to be.

I’m happy

A random post, go figure

So, I officially rock! I've been trying to figure out all night how to get my header to do what it does right now and I finally just figured it out! Ha! Take that blog design. I'm not overly excited about the current design, but it'll do until I can find more time to devote to designing this thing. For now, I just want to get back into writing.

I've been struggling with writing lately. There's a lot going on in life that I'm not ready to share yet, both emotionally and physically - (if that's possible). But, I love to write and it's been a great outlet for me to gather my thoughts and get the hell out of my head. Yes, James and his friends are still reading. The reasons still escape me, but I've accepted that it is what it is. I can't change that situation, despite my efforts to do so. It just is. I've decided I'm ok with it. Today.

The other day, John was running after a ball at the babysitters house and smacked his face into the coffee table. His right eye has been black and blue and nicely swollen for the past couple of days. It has now turned into a lovely shade of green and yellow. This morning, I realized that John shares the same hatred for waking up as I do. He's always so snuggly in the morning, but he's rarely in a good mood. Perhaps, a little coffee for the cuddle bug? Nah!

Gary had field day today. I'd like to tell you what it was all about, but when Gary gets to talking he rambles on. I remember something about tug of war and he was soaking wet, so it sounds like he had a great time. But after 3 minutes of paying attention, his words all started sounding the same. Gary's been doing really well getting all his homework done. He's finally got an after school routine that helps him get his stuff done. His grades are improving and he's feels good about himself. That makes my heart happy after so many years of struggling in school.

Ok, I've rambled on enough. Welcome back to myrandomology. I'm hoping not to go away again and to keep the writing going. I'm hungry. Who's having chicken? Or a taco?